4 Life Sustaining Tenets

To Keep You Grounded

My parents taught me growing up to always be true to who you are. Stand firm with your values, respectful of others and always pay attention to your intuition. I have learned from experience the following four tenets help me stay grounded and focused especially when life gets noisy.

I. LIVE YOUR VALUES

Who are you? Seriously, who do you think you are? Who do your friends say you are?

I ask many people this question and I usually get a puzzled look in response. In order to live your values, you have to know who you are, what your core values are, and the values you reflect in your behavior with others. What you stand up for, what you will allow and what you will not allow.

I value integrity, character, honesty and faith. I believe in God, aspiration, being true to myself and people are inherently good. Values are my core. They keep me centered. I believe values are universal, meaning they apply all the time…at home and work.

Knowing who I am helps me when I have self-doubt about a decision or task I am asked to perform, I check in with myself to ask if the decision or task is in alignment with my values.  Knowing who I am lessens stress and anxiety because I know in most cases how I will react to something. 

I remember a time when I went shopping with a friend. I wanted to buy a new watch at a specific department store having a sale with 30% off watches. I found the watch I wanted and as the salesperson was ringing up the watch, I noticed she typed in 50% for the discount not 30%. I told her the watch was only 30% off. She thanked me for my honesty and corrected the percentage. My friend asked me as we walked away from the counter, “why did you correct the salesperson, you could have saved more money on the watch.” I looked at my friend and said, “well that would not have been honest, would it?”. Later, I thought to myself maybe I do not know my friend as well as I thought I did!

Want to learn more about your values? Check out my podcast: “Who Am I, Who Are You, Who Are We”

II.  CELEBRATE YOUR CONNECTIONS

I am sure you have heard human beings are hardwired for connection. I know I am! I am a social being and I love to talk to people, be with people and collaborate with people. I always feel energized when I am with other folks.

My work and personal relationships flourished during the pandemic. When the world was going on lock down, I quickly purchased a Zoom Premium account. It was one of many lifelines I drew upon during the pandemic.

As a matter of fact, as I think back over the past few years, it was the zoom calls, the zoom happy hours, the zoom family meetings that kept me (and probably you) connected to the relationships I value most. Zoom, while not a substitute for face-to-face conversations, provided the ability for me to see, hear and talk with people who were important to me. 

We all faced the do we wear a mask or not debate; the lack of in person meetings and family get togethers. And many of us grieved the loss of a family member, friend, or colleague from Covid-19. Relationships with family, friends and colleagues via zoom, phone calls and texts gave me the opportunity to lean on others for support as they leaned on me. To connect with people who were experiencing the same pandemic challenges. If we could not connect the way we normally did, we found new ways to connect.

Today we optimistically look forward to life while cautiously looking back. Balancing what we learned with how to safely move forward. 

I began sharing with my family and friends what they each mean to me. What I love and respect about them and how thankful I am we are connected.

Do you celebrate the relationships of those closest to you? Have you shared how important the key people in your life are with them? Celebrate your relationships. Remember, we are all hard wired for connection! Click here to connect with me!

III. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES

Knowing my values keeps me grounded in what is important to me. Understanding personal values helps guide me with what I will and will not accept in the relationships with my family, friends and colleagues. Establishing boundaries will help you stay true to your values. They are also a good form of self-care. BONUS!

When I was younger, I seldom spoke up when someone in a meeting said something derogatory to a colleague or to me about an idea, opinion or task I had performed. Today, I am much better today at speaking up when someone is disrespectful or hurts my feelings. I address the behavior and issue rather than let whatever transpired bother me the rest of the day, or provide opportunity for resentment..

Many years ago, a colleague from an interfacing department called me displeased about a training session my department was going to offer. He felt the training should be performed by his group. I explained why my department was conducting the training and offered to collaborate with him on the training if he would like. 

He began to yell and curse at me on the phone and then hung up on me. I was so surprised and shocked by his unprofessional behavior. Providing myself a few minutes for my heart to stop pounding, I called him back and requested to meet in a  quiet breakout room over in  his building to discuss the call. 

I told him when I arrived that in my 20 years at the company, no one had ever spoken to me the way that he did.  I shared with him I was offended he thought it was appropriate to be degrading to another colleague. 

Although I was terrified to approach him for a confrontational conversation , I knew I had to speak up so he would know his behavior was not okay. In the end, he apologized for his behavior, and I was able to receive his apology. If I had not approached him about his behavior, I would not have been true to myself or my values and boundaries.

Knowing who you are, what is acceptable to you and speaking up when someone crosses an established line is essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries may change! You may allow someone to cross a boundary due to extenuating circumstances but……YOU decide if it is ok for someone to cross the boundary!

IV.   REBOOT AND REFRESH

Biscuits became one of my go-to comfort foods during the pandemic. Whenever I felt stressed or overwhelmed, I would make biscuits…and…I would eat them. Baking reduced my anxiety about the uncertainty of the pandemic even if it was just for a few minutes. It was “me” time. I never thought of it as self-care until I realized how much better I felt afterwards. It was like a reboot or refresh for the day.

As the world continues to return to normal, I have stopped making biscuits. I am however trying to practice better self-care. I am not just talking about eating right and getting enough sleep. I am talking about making sure I am doing ok during the course of the day. Checking in with me to see what I need. Do I need a break or maybe schedule lunch with a friend or colleague because I need connection-time.

I discovered over the years through all the crisis I responded to, you must practice self-care in order to care and serve others. Take time to go have a coffee and think about the day or set up a lunch date with a friend or colleague or take a 30-minute walk and listen to a podcast.

Self-care calms, grounds, and restores you. It is good for your mental and physical health. The more I practice self-care the more I can be available for others because I am not as physically exhausted or emotionally drained.

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Enjoy your journey of self-evaluation and exploration.

I hope it serves you well!