Building Trust

I was having a conversation with a friend recently when he asked me, “How do you build trust in a relationship?” What an interesting question, I said. I have to think about it.

Many things went through my mind as I pondered the question:

• Reliability
• Honesty
• Authenticity
• Listening
• Consistency
• Empathy
• Boundaries
• Non-judgment

are all traits I consider when trust is involved. Then I remembered something I once heard from Stephen Covey,

you can’t talk yourself out of a problem that you behaved yourself into. The only way out is to behave your way out.

That’s it! It is definitely a top-of-the-list item for trust. For me, what one does is more important than what one says. Your behavior speaks volumes. The two should be congruent.

I shared with my friend that while there are many qualities and values that play a role in building trust in a relationship, the big one for me is someone doing what they say they will do and doing so consistently. They are reliable, honest, sincere, authentic, empathetic, and listen without judgment, and they do these things repeatedly.

It is not just one thing a person does that builds trust. However, it can be one thing that destroys it. We all have traits we look for in a person when building trust. What is important to me may be less important to you. Knowing what is important to you is just as important as experiencing it from others.

What do you need from others to build trust in a relationship?