I am sorry!

For some, those are three of the most challenging words to say. Why is it so hard to apologize when we have wronged or offended someone, like a family member, friend, or work colleague?

Is it a vulnerability issue? Do you feel like you are being judged if you apologize? Are you afraid of what will happen as a result of the apology?

Over the past several years, I have read many articles regarding the topic of apology. Headlines like, How to apologize effectively, The pros and cons of apology? The mistakes made in an ineffective apology……you get the drift. There is a lot of information out there on apology.

I have thought a lot about apology and it is a topic that continues to baffle me. Maybe it is because I tend to apologize when I believe I have hurt someone or have done something wrong. And to be clear, I usually feel angst or fear when apologizing. However, that angst or fear usually means (at least for me) that I am doing the right thing. If I do not feel anything when I apologize, it most likely is because I do not feel like I should, and if that is the case, my apology will be ineffective or will come across as insincere……because it is!

A few questions to ask yourself before you apologize:

1. What are the risks of making an apology?

2. What are the risks of not making an apology?

Understanding the consequences of each of those questions may help you determine the right course of action. Another question to ask is:

1. What is your guy telling you to do? Yes, I said it, GUT!

2. How are you feeling?

3. Do you have that proverbial pit in your stomach feeling?

If so, you may need to apologize.

Yes, apologizing can make one feel vulnerable and, at the same time, help establish trust in a relationship. Being truthful about what we are apologizing for and showing empathy, understanding, and respect go a long way in healing the wounds of the wounded.

I usually ask myself what are the risks of not apologizing. I then look in the mirror and ask myself if I can live with those risks. Often, I cannot. I would rather sincerely apologize for my mistake than live with knowing I hurt someone and did not say those three words…….I am sorry!